Oxford University Association Football Club

Ryan's athletic, competitive, Aussiness would be an asset to any football team. Or indeed rugby team, cricket team, squash team, or tiddlywinks team.

He'll "Go back to where he came from" only after Mansfield/Merton have won the league. Or he is deported.

According to a reliable source (AQA text question service), Ryan is the worst player in the Merton-Mansfield set up: "better suited to sledging than football". And who could argue?

On the other hand, Ryan is the greatest badminton player in the world. After Melvin Chen.

Ryan treats Universities as notches on his bedpost which, coupled with his devastating effectiveness at snaring women (a badminton wrist lends well to Rohypnol slips), has led to him sleeping in a pile of wood shavings, comforted only by his well-deserved self-satisfaction (although this is perhaps misplaced, as Melvin Chen sleeps in sawdust). Ryan is brazen in his habits, telling a source that he likes to do absolutely anything 'south-east asian style'.

Ryan's recent 'pearler' has sent him rocketing up the 'Most Influential Australian' leaderboard. He now lies in sixth place, held off only by Ricky PettyTheft, Matthew Arsony, Skippy Fraud, Rolf Harris and Melvin "jason donovan" Chen.

Ryan's athletic, competitive, Aussiness would be an asset to any football team. Or indeed rugby team, cricket team, squash team, or tiddlywinks team.

He'll "Go back to where he came from" only after Mansfield/Merton have won the league. Or he is deported.

According to a reliable source (AQA text question service), Ryan is the worst player in the Merton-Mansfield set up: "better suited to sledging than football". And who could argue?

On the other hand, Ryan is the greatest badminton player in the world. After Melvin Chen.

Ryan treats Universities as notches on his bedpost which, coupled with his devastating effectiveness at snaring women (a badminton wrist lends well to Rohypnol slips), has led to him sleeping in a pile of wood shavings, comforted only by his well-deserved self-satisfaction. Ryan is brazen in his habits, telling a source that he likes to do absolutely anything 'south-east asian style'.

Ryan's recent 'pearler' has sent him rocketing up the 'Most Influential Australian' leaderboard. He now lies in fifth place, held off only by Ricky PettyTheft, Matthew Arsony, Skippy Fraud and Rolf Harris.

Ryan's athletic, competitive, Aussiness would be an asset to any football team. Or indeed rugby team, cricket team, squash team, or tiddlywinks team.

He'll "Go back to where he came from" only after Mansfield/Merton have won the league. Or he is deported.

According to a reliable source (AQA text question service), Ryan is the worst player in the Merton-Mansfield set up: "better suited to sledging than football". And who could argue?

On the other hand, Ryan is the greatest badminton player in the world. After Melvin Chen. Melvin Chen is also a better chef.

Ryan treats Universities as notches on his bedpost which, coupled with his devastating effectiveness at snaring women (a badminton wrist lends well to Rohypnol slips), has led to him sleeping in a pile of wood shavings, comforted only by his well-deserved self-satisfaction. Ryan likes absolutely anything done 'south-east asian style'.

Ryan's recent 'pearler' has sent him rocketing up the 'Most Influential Australian' leaderboard. He now lies in fifth place, held off only by Ricky PettyTheft, Matthew Arsony, Skippy Fraud and Rolf Harris.

Ryan's athletic, competitive, Aussiness would be an asset to any football team. Or indeed rugby team, cricket team, squash team, or tiddlywinks team.

He'll "Go back to where he came from" only after Mansfield/Merton have won the league. Or he is deported.

According to a reliable source (AQA text question service), Ryan is the worst player in the Merton-Mansfield set up: "better suited to sledging than football". And who could argue?

On the other hand, Ryan is the greatest badminton player in the world. After Melvin Chen. Melvin Chen is also a better chef.

Ryan treats Universities as notches on his bedpost which, coupled with his devastating effectiveness at snaring women (a badminton wrist lends well to Rohypnol slips), has led to him sleeping in a pile of wood shavings, comforted only by his well-deserved self-satisfaction.

Ryan's recent 'pearler' has sent him rocketing up the 'Most Influential Australian' leaderboard. He now lies in fifth place, held off only by Ricky PettyTheft, Matthew Arsony, Skippy Fraud and Rolf Harris.

Ryan's athletic, competitive, Aussiness would be an asset to any football team. Or indeed rugby team, cricket team, squash team, or tiddlywinks team.

He'll "Go back to where he came from" only after Mansfield/Merton have won the league. Or he is deported.

According to a reliable source (AQA text question service), Ryan is the worst player in the Merton-Mansfield set up: "better suited to sledging than football". And who could argue?

On the other hand, Ryan is the greatest badminton player in the world. After Melvin Chen.

Ryan treats Universities as notches on his bedpost which, coupled with his devastating effectiveness at snaring women (a badminton wrist lends well to Rohypnol slips), has led to him sleeping in a pile of wood shavings, comforted only by his well-deserved self-satisfaction.

Ryan's recent 'pearler' has sent him rocketing up the 'Most Influential Australian' leaderboard. He now lies in fifth place, held off only by Ricky PettyTheft, Matthew Arsony, Skippy Fraud and Rolf Harris.

Ryan's athletic, competitive, Aussiness would be an asset to any football team. Or indeed rugby team, cricket team, squash team, or tiddlywinks team.

He'll "Go back to where he came from" only after Mansfield/Merton have won the league. Or he is deported.

According to a reliable source (AQA text question service), Ryan is the worst player in the Merton-Mansfield set up: "better suited to sledging than football". And who could argue?

On the other hand, Ryan is the greatest badminton player in the world. After Melvin Chen.

Ryan's athletic, competitive, Aussiness would be an asset to any football team. Or indeed rugby team, cricket team, squash team, or tiddlywinks team.

He'll "Go back to where he came from" only after Mansfield/Merton have won the league. Or he is deported.

According to a reliable source (AQA text question service), Ryan is the worst player in the Merton-Mansfield set up: "better suited to sledging than football". And who could argue?

Ryan is the greatest badminton player in the world. After Melvin Chen.

Ryan's athletic, competitive, Aussiness would be an asset to any football team. Or indeed rugby team, cricket team, squash team, or tiddlywinks team.

He'll "Go back to where he came from" only after Mansfield/Merton have won the league. Or he is deported.

According to a reliable source (AQA text question service), Ryan is the worst player in the Merton-Mansfield set up: "better suited to sledging than football". And who could argue?

Ryan's athletic, competitive, Aussiness would be an asset to any football team. Or indeed rugby team, cricket team, squash team, or tiddlywinks team.

He'll "Go back to where he came from" only after Mansfield/Merton have won the league. Or he is deported.